Officially missing you

I miss you ok? I really do. There wasn’t a single moment in my day that I haven’t thought about you. What you might be doing at this moment, if you’re thinking about me too. What might possibly have happened to you without me any longer in your life. Trust me, I would come rushing back into your life but I just think that me not being there is for the better. Or at least, right now. Truth is, you’ve hurt me. Over and over again and it’s not completely your fault. I let it happen. I thought you were worth all the pain but at one point, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. It was too much and what hurts the most was that you weren’t even able to see that. You didn’t see that I was struggling. Maybe you did and just didn’t say anything because you didn’t know how to deal with it. Maybe you didn’t say a word because you were scared of the solution, us parting. Maybe everything’s just in my head and I’m thinking silly. Nonetheless, I miss you. I really do. 

Ladies, ladies, ladies. 

I understand where you’re coming from on the whole “He’s a big jerk and he didn’t deserve me.” routine and what not. Yes, he could be a big jerk that didn’t deserve such a divine lady like you, but is it always this situation?, no. 
See as much as girls that just get out of a broken relationship would love to hear ‘Oh you were too good for him.’ or ’ ’ He was a jerk that just played you.’ sometimes its just unnecessary. Those phrases are just pleasing to the ear, it gives us this calm refreshing feeling that we were the innocent ones with absolutely no wrong. 
Yeah, he may have done rude things that could have come with some what of an apology to back it up, but what us girls never seem to do is look at what we did wrong. What did we said to him that made him feel hurt? Or how we made him feel un-special? So many questions girls have yet to ask themselves because they are too busy half the time crying over only his stupid mistakes. 

And when friends, family, etc. tell you these nice things on how he was wrong and you were right, they’re actually hurting you in a way. See, you take all this in, and you feel all this comfort, yet what do you learn? Nothing. After all that comforting talk with your friends you feel like you did nothing wrong and relationship after relationship you will only continue to mess up for the same reasons. Friends, family, etc. usually won’t tell you the truth on if you did wrong or not, just because of a girl’s sensitivity, and just cause they want to feel comforting. So as ladies, us ourselves must start to realize what we did wrong instead of always pointing fingers at others proclaiming that he was only at fault. And sometimes, it could be that he’s actually not at fault at all. 

He can be okay.

____________

And what’s often misjudged and misunderstood is their behavior after a relationship. How guys seem like they go out and party, have fun and act like they never cared for the relationship but the thing is that a lot of guys don’t want to be seen as a vulnerable person. They don’t want others to know that they’re weak so they put up a front, stand tall when they feel like breaking down, stay strong when their heart is pierced in pieces. It’s what everyone sees what makes them assume that he’s ok when he just manages. You’re stuck at home? He rather not and go chill with his friends to take his mind to a place where it’s not filled with thoughts of you. Even if he wants to stay home, his friends will drag him out of his depression state because… that’s just how some guys are. He cut off all contact with you? It’s because the sight of you makes his heart drop a little. Seeing what you once had suddenly not being yours anymore, the sudden change and the sudden must to adjust to the new situation is sometimes just too much to take it all in at once therefore distance is needed. Away from everything so he can settle himself down. Some people just have other methods to get over someone. Just because one does something the other way doesn’t mean that the intentions aren’t the same. Just because he’s doing all of this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care, that he didn’t love you.

Collaboration between : 

http://8tea.tumblr.com/

http://choreocookiesz.tumblr.com/

I’m just not that important to you as you are to me. 

Sure, you may be able to shed some tears when I’m no longer there. Be able to feel the regret of not appreciating everything when it was still there. Be able to feel that there’s something missing in your life, to be able to miss my presence for a short period of time and move on with your life like I never existed. But those tears of yours will dry up and the next time they fall, it won’t be for me. The regret of not fully appreciating everything will turn into a simple “oh well” and the feeling of something missing will be filled up by other people.

I’m envious of the state that you’re in because mine just hurts too much for me to handle, that I’m just barely able to cope when you’re just doing fine. 

I wish I could care a little less about you so that these tears of mine that are running endlessly will just stop flowing. So that the regret of not being good enough for you to appreciate me as a person and everything that I do will stop haunting me every single morning when I wake up, throughout the day and in the night before I go to sleep. So that the feeling of missing you will soon fade. 

I’m just not that important to you as you are to me because to you I’m just for a period of time but for me, you’ll will always be there in my mind and in my heart. 

When good things come to an end…

It’s hard to accept the fact that nothing’s forever. That voices will fade, faces will disappear and bonds will be gone like there was never one. It’s hard to accept that your best friends whom you planned a whole future with will eventually be strangers that you once knew. When days go by filled with laughter and happiness, sometimes the sad but we knew we had each others backs. Why did it turn into us just barely being able to look each others straight in the eyes? Remember how our deepest confessions were easily transferred to the other? How we could go on days talking about every topic that we could possibly think of? Tell me why you’re feeling uneasy about how to say just a simple hi. Why you even have thoughts of lying and pretending that you didn’t spot me in the crowd and just walk pass me. Why did it become so hard to recognize my existence?

Sometimes I feel like I’m flying when the others are walking..

How I’m able to see certain perspectives of things that can only be seen from the sky looking down but as much as I want to show them, they only want to see it their way and are absolute about theirs being the right way of looking at things and everything else is wrong. As much as I want to convince them that I’m not that much different than from what they are, they see me as a inferior creature that walked the wrong path by choice when in fact, I was just born this way because trust me, I wouldn’t have chosen this if I would be looked different upon at, if they would think that what I am is forbidden because one book said so. I’m not any different, I’m capable of loving just like you are. I’m capable of crying, of smiling and every other feelings that you possess so why do you think that I’m different? Why is it so hard to accept that I’m just slightly different but still one of yours? A human being. 

Sometimes I feel like I’m flying when the others are walking but all I want is to land down and be able to walk side by side with them and be aware that we’re different but yet still the same.

Everything around you just blurs away when I put my eyes on you. You become the center of my attention as I view everything that you do, might feel and think. You suddenly become the only source of my happiness and something that I do not wish to let go off. But as time passes by, everything about you affects me in both a good and a bad way, every passing minute a little bit more. When the simplest things that you do makes me smile, when your bad mood infects the mine, when everything that you say lingers on my mind for days. But as more time passes by, I’m becoming more dependent of you. That every single minute without your presence, not being able to talk to you or to interact feels like a living hell. But you’re worth that trouble, that going through all the pain is nothing compared to the happiness that you can offer me. But how long can I keep this mindset? How much more pain can I take before I start to lose it. What would it be like if more time would pass by. Where would we be standing? 

wewritewespeak:

Don’t judge a book by its cover

It’s often told that you shouldn’t judge anyone by the way they appear, that they have much more to offer than what we can see. Even though most people usually don’t like getting judged for their appearance; there are times that I’d rather have that than people digging too deep into my life. I’d rather want people to see me as a happy person that’s always smiling than a person that’s wearing a fake smile to prevent others from worrying. I’d rather want people to think that I’m perfectly fine than knowing that I’m struggling with everything in my life. Sure, assumptions may hurt me because they tend to get ugly but sometimes I’d rather want people to assume stuff than knowing the truth. 

http://choreocookiesz.tumblr.com

I never thought…

.. that a brief moment of your absence would affect my life so much but then again, I never thought that I ever had to experience your absence. Now that you’re gone, I feel like I haven’t valued your presence enough because you would still be here if I did right? Everything’s just weird now how my days that I would usually spend with you turned into days of just daydreaming about what I should be doing. When time felt like going too fast turns into a clock that just won’t move its ticker fast enough. Thinking back, everything seemed to be so perfect. Why couldn’t I see it back then? 

Something about you..

I don’t know what it is but it makes me happy but it also makes me sad at times. It makes me feel all these kinds of feelings that no one else made me feel. Something about you that makes me smile about the most stupid things that you can possibly think of, some things that i wouldn’t consider fun when it’s being said by someone else. Something about you that makes my life feels like living on clouds and sunshine’s. There’s something about you that makes me excited about what we might do next and sometimes even to that point that I’m wondering about what we might be doing in a year, two years, 10 years. Something about you that makes me feel alive and wanting to live for a long time, with you that is.

But there’s also something about you that makes me frustrated because of the little things that you do. Some thing that makes me want to curl up underneath my blankets and cry. There’s something about you that’s possible of making me feel at my worst. Something that only you can do to make me feel like this. When someone else does the same thing that you do, I may feel a little bit down but when it’s you doing it, it hurts. Something about you that makes every second feel like I’m suffocating and sometimes to the point that I rather want to be dead. 

I’m jealous…

I’m jealous of the gloves that you wear because of the way they wrap tightly around your fingers to keep you warm. I’m jealous of the glasses that you own because they are able to make everything clear for you to see and show you all the beautiful things that you weren’t first able to glance upon at. I’m jealous of the desserts that you eat because it somehow always make you smile, it always makes you happy. I’m jealous of the medicine that you take because it shoulders almost all of your pain so that you don’t have to endure it on your own. I’m jealous of your iPod because it’s able to serenade the songs you enjoy listening most and it can provide you some piece of mind when everything’s just too much to handle. I’m jealous of your camera because they are able to capture and save the beauty that you possess and yes of course, with your permission. I’m jealous of your blog because it’ll always be there for you to vent, for you to express your thoughts and your feelings. I’m jealous of your video games because it can entertain you when it’s just boring as hell. But what I envy most is him because he has it all. you.